Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Order! Order on the Screen!

Whatever happened to the days when movies adapted from books were made in their proper sequence? These epic-length sagas can only be understood completely by experiencing them in their original order. For example, how would one properly understand the "Planet of the Apes" movies if not viewed in sequence?

George Lucas began the trend of staggered storytelling with his "Star wars" films back in 1977. By releasing Episode 4 first, he assured box office gold at the expense of his stupefied audience. The film even begins with the words "Episode 4: A New Hope" which was very confusing to moviegoers back then as to why they were automatically Fast-Forwarded into Episode 4. As we all know, they loved it anyways and have bought it again and again.

This brings me to the magical world of Narnia and the present day. When C.S. Lewis wrote his epoch he began the whole thing with a book called "The Magician’s Nephew." Yet here we are faced with the first "Chronicles of Narnia" movie and it is "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." As those who are familiar with "The Chronicles of Narnia" know, "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" is the second book of the series. This smacks of George Lucas as "L,W,& W" is the most well-known story of the whole work, therefore if this film is released first it is more likely to receive a wider audience. On the other hand, if "The Magician’s Nephew" had been released first and marketed as aggressively as some of the drivel being churned out by Hollywood these days is, it would likely have been just as successful at the box office and may have alleviated the need to backtrack the storyline.

While I have not seen the film, I suppose it’s possible that they combined the first two books into one movie and then just decided to go with the more well-known title, but this seems very sloppy and not totally logical, from a literary standpoint. Why not use the title of the first book if this was the case?

I Can’t help but wonder if the reason for releasing "Lion, Witch &..." first is a religious one. After all, Aslan sacrifices himself on a stone table and Narnia is saved from the wrath of the Witch. It is well-known that C.S. Lewis was a Christian and the Aslan metaphor is therefore easy to recognize.

And will there be any more Narnia movies? If so, what’s next? "Prince Caspian?" "The Dawn Treader?" Well, I guess I shouldn’t expect consistency nor integrity from a post-Golden Age Hollywood.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Let's Call the Whole Thing Off...

This ridiculous controversy over the greeting, "Happy Holidays" has given me a brilliant idea to solve the problem of those (rather anal) individuals out here who take offense to these words. They claim that this takes the "Christ" out of "Christmas." Nothing could be further from the truth. This is simply an attempt to be unsegregated and undivided in our expressions of good will toward our fellow man. And isn't that what this time of year should engender in us anyways? An unprejudiced feeling of good will towards our fellow man? If we discriminate against those who do not share a faith in the cult of Christ, are we not hypocrites? As a non- Christian I challenge all of those out there who call themselves Christians with a simple question. What do you think Jesus would do? Do you think he would piss and moan about semantics?

Let us cease to wish a "Happy Holiday," a "Merry Christmas," a "Happy Kwanzaa" or a "Happy Hanukkah." In fact, let us cancel all of these "Holidays" altogether and replace them with a new, all-inclusive holiday and call it "Christmhannukzaa."

When should we celebrate this new, all-inclusive day? How about December 30th? Of course, we would need to observe this holiDAY for at least twelve days in order to accommodate all three groups. So why not go from December 30th through January 11th? We would also need to celebrate New Year's day as it's own separate holiday, even though it would be stuck within the "Christmhannukzaa" Festival. I suppose, though, that this would not be a difficult further adjustment.

While this solution of mine includes the three major December holidays, it still fails to recognize the Pagan holiday, Yule, as Well as the Muslim New Year Holiday which happens at a different time of year.

In consideration of all these factors, therefore, I am forced to conclude that there is NO universally acceptable alternative that can be implemented. So, here's my ultimate solution. In the words of that classic song: Let's Call the Whole Thing Off!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Another Absence

In a year of ceaseless drama, it should be no surprise that I have been without phone service (and thus internet access) for nearly a month now. It is, however, the reason why there have been no new posts on this blog in all this time.

Apparently clean-up efforts in the wake of Wilma have been the cause for this extended interruption of telephone service. Wires kept getting broken by careless clean-up crew members and a large section of Broward County has suffered for it. I will decline to address this aspect of the situation for now and merely inform my public that I have ordered a Notebook Computer which I hope will prevent another such absence from occurring.

I have missed the joy of this public forum and look forward to sending out my thoughts and opinions once again. There is much more to come as we approach an exciting and hopeful New Year. Cheers!